Adults and Mild Aspergers Syndrome.

Adults and Aspergers Syndrome

As we grow older, many younger mannerisms tend to die off, including some that would indicate we have aspergers. But despite our coping mechanism and all good intentions, we sometimes fail to hide the more awkward sides of us. This is where aspergers syndrome and being an adult interface.

While we don’t want to erase our personality, for that is who we are, and to erase that would kill the whole point of existence, sometimes we want to mold our personality little by little, as to not attract attention to our more unusual side, which will then allow others to focus on our more positive attributes, and in turn will allow us to succeed more socially. But before we dive into that, let take a look at what aspergers in adults looks like.

First we must realize that not everyone will be alike. Some may be able to hide it better, whereas others may not. But some things that can point towards aspergers are a limited dating life, shyness, obsession with things, obsession with things some people might consider “immature”, depression, lack of emotional rapport with people,  aspergers may be combined with other disorders, they find it hard to accept change, may be very good at analyzing things, like a set way of doing things, find it easier to relate to people besides his peers, they may say inappropriate things without thinking, among other things.

The first idea I would bring to mind is read on social interaction. Since we often times do not parse people’s reactions in the wild, we have to be purposeful, and barring asking others if the situation is hostile to asking, we may consider reading things from those who are socially better than us. This was, it is not as hard to parse, and over time you will evolve and mold to what you have read.  You are what you read.

Second, you learn by doing. The more you are around social situations, the more you get a taste for them. It helps when you are around supportive people that will help you spot differences. This does not always work, but it will help with minor things at the very least, especially if there is push back.

Finally, if you can find a support group in your area, try going to it. You can then network with others who face the same thing you do. Barring that, you can go on wrongplanet.net . Or if you don’t like that, you can always go to a hobby group, which allows you to have a common interest with others if you can’t find people with a similar brain wiring. They will likely have some similar mannerism, but not be perfect.

 

Books That Help You Overcome Mild Aspergers.

Books That Help You Overcome Mild Aspergers

There are several books I would recommend everyone with aspergers to read. These books expose both the underbelly and the intimate details that go into communicating. Some one these will be dark, whereas others will be lighthearted. Without further to do here are the top books that help you overcome aspergers:

  • The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli. While this mostly applies to politics and if taken too far can make you not trust people, it demonstrates how people can become corrupt and demonstrates how people manipulate situations to their own advantage. This books helps examine human darkness so people are aware of it. While it does promote cynicism, it is a healthy amount.
  • The 48 Laws of Power. In a similar vein as the Prince, this books delves more into case history to explore the whys and hows of things got done. It can be hard to study a lot of this, and if used in the wrong way can harm people, it allows you to arm yourself against those who would use this info for evil.
  • Thus Spoke Zarathustra. This seminal work of fiction is highly relatable to the aspergers experience. In it, Zarathustra, a wander with higher and nobler goals, bemoans the fact that there are not fellow truth seekers like him. When we are facing our aspergers, we often feel isolated and alone, like no one can relate. In this, he realizes that sometimes solitary activity is better than having many foolish friends. The endings is better than the beginning, but still ends on a neutral tone.
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book has probably been beaten to death in terms of being suggested, but it is an excellent book on the topic. In covers the basics of what you need to do to gain favor with people and be a generally good socializer. You can get the basics at Wikipedia: How to Win Friends and Influence People . Practicing this will get you good at the basics of communications and will help make things just a little less awkward.
  • Think and Grow Rich by Naploean Hill. In this book, Napolean Hill reveals the little secret that helps everything: a positive mental attitude. but more than that, Think and Grow Rich reinforces a positive mental attitude that will help you succeed at life and keep you up while you are down. It is an excellent book and I believe anyone with a pulse should buy it.

Mild Aspergers and Activism

Aspergers brings out passion in people and often times that manifests itself in activism. Aspergers and activism often go hand and hand. Whether that is LGBT rights or corruption in government, aspies often times pursue justice, even when it goes against the grain of what most people think.

This can often help or hurt their cause. Often times when an issue is coming to the forefront, there will need to be some pressure applied to get it past netting that would snare it. However, once past the initial social filtering, alliances need to be made and networking trumps tearing things down. No matter how liberal or conservative your opposition may be, olive branches need to be granted occasionally as to appear to be the stronger man in the room, and operating out of strengths and not weakness.

If an aspie looses hope in general politics (which with very niche causes can happen very often), the next best idea is to go third party or go into ballot initiatives. The first will not yield immediate results, but will at least get the ideas out there, whereas the latter will allow you to create change at the local level. The latter is a little more likely to get success because it is not represented by one party or another, but an idea, which extremism is built on. A person has to pick their battle, and it seems like ballot initiatives are an easier path to achieve goals.

Another avenue to achieve extreme goals is the media. Take the LGBT movement. Early on it was marginalized and an oft persecuted minority. But post Stonewall, it found it’s voice and started grabbing whatever media attention it could get. Then in the late 80’s and early 90’s it started gaining traction in the mainstream media, until it finally caught attention in the early 2000’s. The biggest lesson to be drawn from this example is it used emotions which are relatable to people: justice, fairness, equality, etc. , which is built into Western values. And it was by this a movement was born.

So if you are obsessed about a particular subject, don’t be afraid to fight for it! It may be a long battle, but every battle has it’s ups and downs. But the important thing is to do. The biggest thing you can do for your cause is to gather like minded people together and demand action. This does not have to be many people, since obviously us aspies are not always the best communicators. But even if you have a small circle of people you can trust to help you towards your goals, that is all that matters. Because each one of yous will have a skill the other does not.

Mild Aspergers and Depression.

Mild Aspergers and Depression

It is easy to fall into depression with aspergers. Often times aspergers and depression go hand and hand, but that does not have to be. You just need to be proactive about your health and take charge of it.

-If your depression is too severe, seek medical attention immediately. If you feel like hurting yourself, get help. There are many treatments that can help alleviate the pain.

  • Try using Gluathione. It helps mental health by clearing the brain and providing key things that helps a healthy brain.
  • Take time our of your day to relax and not think about anything. This is the rest button for the mind.
  • Don’t focus on the negatives. Focus on the good things in your life.
  • When you are bored, find something to do. This will prevent you from going down the wrong path.
  • Take walks. This allows you to think things over and contemplate how to rationally deal with things. It is also helpful when you are dealing with a problem.
  • Try to go places where other people are. Even if you are just reading or are on your laptop, the social atmosphere may rub off on you and give you good vibes.
  • Listen to some comedy. Nothing is more of a good medicine than humor. It lifts the soul and when it is relate-able allows us to feel like there are other people that understand.
  • Listen to music. Sometimes you need to vent your frustration through what you listen to. In addition, sometimes it can mellow you out when you feel high strung.
  • Grab a nice cup of coffee and a book. You won’t regret it. This will calm your nerves and take your mind off things.
  • Make goals and stick to them. Whether that is going to college or working on an invention, do it!
  • Take a nice warm shower. This will warm you up and take your mind off things. It puts you first and allows you to take it all in.
  • Get a job with the public. Before I get shot for suggesting this, consider it. This does not mean you have to necessarily get a front counter job. There are many low pressure public jobs available, such as promoting sale of food products via food carts. This allows you to improve your people skills and is located in a non-judgmental environment that rewards you for trying and improving.
  • Help others. When you are bored and start to go into the darkness, reach out and help those who are less off than you. It helps not only them, but you as well. This is the law of reciprocity. In other words, what you give shall be given back. Now this is not a guarantee, but at the very least you will get satisfaction out of it.

Dating Someone with Mild Aspergers

Dating Someone with Mild Aspergers

Dating Someone with Aspergers

It can be very confusing dating someone with aspergers. They may seem distant, aloof, or worse. Sometimes you have to keep in mind that they don’t realize what they are doing and so in most cases meanness is not meant to be mean, but maybe is misunderstood. Here are some tips to help you when you are dating someone with aspergers:

  • Keep an open mind. Dating someone with aspergers can be different than what you are used to But overall you will find a nice sweet person. Just realize that they are not mind readers and perfect.
  • If their body language does not show affection, don’t freak. people with aspergers are notorious for not showing proper contact. Just work with them to create other channels of communication.
  • Be patient. Sometimes they need time and space to learn social intricacies. But be their to help them when need be.
  • Have talks. Have a daily time said aside to discuss your relationship. This does not have to be formal and can be discussed at any time any where.
  • Be unique but routine. While people with aspergers like to explore new things, they also want rotuine. Keep this in mind and balance both.
  • Touching may be restricted. While they want affection, people with aspergers also are sensitive to senses.
  • When they get obsessed with something, just realize that sometimes people with aspergers don’t realize what they are doing. So if it interferes with hanging out, a gentle reminder will suffice.
  • Sometimes aspies can be very quiet or very talkative, depending how comfortable they are with a situation.
  • Sometimes you will need to give hints to aspies to do “normal” things for you. Since aspies are not accustomed to social norms sometimes, you need to teach them.
  • Study up on aspergers. Sometimes in order to deal with a particular behavior, you will need to do a little research. Youtube gives first hand experience as does Wrongplanet.net.
  • Sometimes aspies get uncomfortable by certain stimuli to their senses. This sometimes includes certain contact physically or otherwise. This may take creativeness to figure out a solution to communicate between one another.
  • Sometimes aspies need alone time. Obviously this can get out of balance, but with a little working out, your aspie can get time to do what they want and yous can spend time together.
  • Be nice. Sometimes aspies misunderstand the context of something. To put it this way, if you would not say it to a small child, don’t say it to an aspie. Even if they know what you mean, the context can be misunderstood and can hurt both of yous.

That wraps up my list. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comment box.

Mild Aspergers in Toddlers

Mild Aspergers in Toddlers

Many times there are signs we miss in toddlers and children that may point to there being things that need taken care of. While attention has been increased to detecting autism spectrum disorders (aspergers and other disorders on the spectrum), attention still needs to be brought to aspergers in toddlers, as well as other disorders. Here are early signs your toddler may have aspergers:

  • Odd fascination with things. Your toddler may obsess over a particular thing, like trains or balloons. While some of this is normal, combined with other things it may point to aspergers.
  • Not quite talkative. This is the biggest sign. Generally toddlers want to talk and learn new things. If your toddler is more shy and subdued, you may want to keep an eye on it.
  • Avoids eye contact. While there are other reasons a child may avoid eye contact, generally toddlers will at least look a little bit at you. it may not be perfect, but long periods without eye contact may mean something.
  • Problems with social interaction. This may mean that they do not like to interact with other people or children and may in fact stick close to you. Toddlers with aspergers may be bewildered by common interaction with toddlers their age.
  • They may develop into prodigies at a young age. For instance, a toddler may start learning the piano, and as they progress, they may discover they have an inborn ability to play the piano.
  • They use big words. Often times when there is aspergers in a toddler, they will use a bigger vocabulary or a more complex vocabulary than their peers. In addition they may show intelligence beyond their years and have knowledge that is shocking to those around them.
  • Your toddler may be very repetitive. They will like a certain order to things and disrupting this can causes them to have a meltdown. While this does not give them a license to scream and yell, some leniency should be shown. They may get up eat breakfast, get dressed, then go to the bus stop. In some cases if this routine is interrupted a toddler will have a fit.
  • Like things ordered. There is a certain way to things and to disrupt it will seem like the end to them. Just reassure them everything will be okay.
  • They may be clumsy. The effects will vary, but in some cases the motors skills will make certain actions harder than others. You toddler may require assistance and in extreme cases therapy.
  • Temper tantrums. Often when there is aspergers in a toddler, they will have tantrums. Managing this requires a balance as to not reward them for being difficult, but at the same time show empathy for them.

These are just some of the major things to watch for when there is aspergers in a toddler. These should be taken together and not in individual parts. If there is just one thing off, don’t jump to conclusions.

Aspergers and Interviews.

Aspergers and Interviews.

You’ve got your big opportunity to shine, but you worry that you will blow it. You have been called in for a job interview or are being interviewed by the newspaper about your cause. What will you do? Will you just let the fear overtake you? Are aspergers and interviews mortal enemies?

No! With some fine tuning you can ace any interview, with or without trick questions. You may do a little tweaking, but it is all doable. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are in an interview:

  • Do not slouch. This reflects poorly on you.
  • Don’t look them directly in the eyes, but look at their mouth if need be.
  • Address the interviewer by their first name. This builds relationship material, shows you are thoughtful, and makes it more likely they will remember you when you come back in.
  • Learn a little about the company or individuals you would be working with. This is another way you can show you care.
  • Usually it is not the best you bring up aspergers in the work places. There are too many variables to know who will or will not tell who or what things.
  • Dress for success. Shave, clean up a bit and wear your best clothing. Use colors to your advantage. Blue is comforting, black and white are neutral, while red brings you attention.
  • If you have a question about the job, ask. Don’t talk about other thinka not related to the job.
  • If you are in a personal office andyou have finished the interview, ask them about carious items in the office. If they have nice art or have a book on an interesting topic, compliment them on it.
  • Use hunor to your advantage. Crafted right, you can gain an edge over more qualified candidates by building rapport. Just make sure your humor is polirically correct.
    • Don’t go overboard, but network prior to the interview. If you can have a direct connection to the hiring manager, send them a letter stating you would like to work for their company (but only if you really want to). In addition get to know people in the company. But try to show genuine interest in them, not just for the job. This will give you an advantage over others who apply randomly.

Aspergers and Homeschooling

Aspergers and Homeschooling

The public school is okay for most students, but others need a different environment to operate in. This is where homeschooling comes in for children with aspergers. Aspergers and homeschooling may not seem to go hand and hand, but they do. Children are given more time to pursue their goals, they learn about healthier relationships, and are not burden down with over the top bureaucracy.

At first it may seem hard putting aspergers and homeschooling together, but it is very doable. Matter of fact your child will not likely need your help most of the time! In many cases the only thing you will need to deal with is double checking their answers. In addition, homeschooling is not an exact science. You tailor it to your child’s needs, not to the whims of the school district. For instance, if your child likes programming, you can incorporate that into his or her studies. In addition, your child does not have to be a loner like many people say homeschoolers are. There are many areas where there are homschooler support groups and if you are religious homeschoolers tend to congregate at church functions as well. Check meetup as well for meetups related to their hobbies.

As far as curriculum goes, Robinson home school courses, ACEs, Abeka, for Dummies, as well as others do a good job at teaching basics. It you want to supplement that with other content, using old college text books for advanced subjects can be helpful. Many of them can be found on sale at local Goodwill stores and present great content.

At least in the early stages, your child with likely finish subjects earlier than the public schools (especially if there are a lot of canceled school days like the public school system has for snow days and the like). If they finish one subject ahead of another, this will allow them to sink their energy into the harder subject and usually get done at or before the school gets out. Worse comes to worse there are services like tutor.com that are low cost or even free if they partner with a local institution.

One method to consider if you have multiple children is to use the Lancaster school method, which is to allow the older children to teach the younger children what they know. Not only does this encourage verbalization in children with aspergers, but it encourages confidence, reminds them of things they have learned, and allows them to get excited about things they like. Obviously this will require a little supervision, but it just shows the innovation that can occur with homeschooling.

One last word of advice is if you can, incorporate SAT prep into your coursework in the 10th or 11th grade year. My parents failed to realize the importance of this and as a result I did not do as well as I should have. While test scores are not everything, you should keep your child afoot so they can attend college if they so choose.

 

Traveling with Aspergers

Traveling with Aspergers

travelingwithaspergers

Where ever you travel, your aspergers will follow you. But that does not mean that traveling with aspergers is an oxymoron. You just need to keep some basic tips in mind and you can have a blast like everyone else. Traveling opens the mind and expands your imagination as well as challenges preconceived notions. Just keep these basic tips in mind:

  1. Stay in crowded areas. As much as I like to have fun and explore the road less traveled, if there are not many people down a road or in an area and it looks desolate, stay away unless you are in a group. Avoid places like dead end roads, alleys, and beat up areas. Also, research the areas that are crime ridden prior to going.
  2. In most areas don’t go out at night. With the exception of my hometown, I try to get in at a reasonable hour. But if I can’t, I take a cab. Further, if you have to walk, keep to the main areas.
  3. Be careful with overcharging. This is common and even neurotypicals fall for it. Make sure you are in a regulated taxi. In addition, be aware that rates may be different outside the city. Also, if you can, use public transport.
  4. Have a copy of your hotel address in the native language. That way you will not be stumbling to point your driver or guide in the right direction. And if you can look at the map before you go.
  5. Always have an emergency contact. If things go wrong, you should designate someone to keep an eye on your affairs if the worse happens. It could be a parent, sibling, or friend. Just let someone know where you are and what you are doing.
  6. Learn a little bit of the language. Learn basics such as hotel, doctor, police, help, how much stuff costs, and similar things. For this I would personally recommend Pimsleur’s. They have a wide variety of languages and are renowned for their results.
  7. Know where your embassy and/or consulate is at. If the worse happens, at least know where you can contact your government. This way you can receive assistance and hopefully bring whatever situation to a head.
  8. Make a detailed plan of where you are going. You want to be able to see everything you can. So try to make a detailed plan of where you are going on what day. Android and iOS have several trip planning apps. Also try to put all the touristy stuff on day one so you can get the major stuff out of the way and say you at least saw X or Y.
  9. Convert your money before you get to the airport. Once you get to the airport, it is game over. It is doubly true at international airports. So if you can, buy through a local bank or through Travelx. PNC offers free conversions on certain currencies if you are a member.
  10. Enjoy yourself! A vacation is meant to be enjoyed! Take a little risk here and there, and talk to people. Just don’t go off by yourself in the corner with someone. Otherwise just feel free to explore!